Am I on Extinction?

When I was working with people with developmental disabilities, and then with people with mental illnesses, one of the ways we'd use behavior modification was with something called "extinction." If a client was attention-seeking, or his or her behavior was inappropriate, we'd put that client on extinction. We'd act as if whatever behavior was happening, wasn't.

It got kinda hard when I had someone five inches from my face yelling, "Fuck Bush! Fuck Clinton! They can't control me, and neither can you!" Add the spittle flying from the mouth, and you can gather that extinction was at times a challenge.

I feel that way this week. I've been working my butt off, trying to get everything done (it's almost 11pm, and my table is almost cleared).

I've made countless trips, alone, to the storage space, hauling my stuff bit by bit into the metal box it will call home for the next year. I've eaten alone. I've been stood up. By the carpet guy, not once, but twice, and by my friend tonight. I'd bought a bottle of wine to share, and in the fridge it sits.

Another friend told me several weeks ago, "Rebekah, that last week is yours. Anything I can do, just call."

Well, there was something she could do, but yesterday she was tired and today she was going out of town for the day and tomorrow she had plans but could help me from 3-5. What really sucks is that I had been counting on her, really counting on her.

Oh, and my landlady raised the rent today. By e-mail.

Everyone is busy, I get that, but it feels like I've already left in some people's minds. You know,

"Oh, you're still here?"

I know this is all part of the leaving for a year business. I know it's just me being stressed with nerves and all. I know that my friend Karen, who would at any other time help me out, is crazy busy buying her first house. I know.

Friday morning the cleaners are coming at 8am. I have to be finished by then. I have to. And I have one more day.

Think "get 'er done" thoughts.